Friday, June 17, 2011

Overcoming Negativity & Making Yourself Happy

Have you been making changes to your life so that you can be a "better" version of yourself & are now enjoying life to the best of your ability? Have you finally done what you have been saying you’d do for a while now? How wonderful is the feeling of accomplishment & being proud of yourself!
You've decided to be the BEST you possibly can, you're training hard at the gym, eating healthy, clean foods & you're starting to see some great changes in your body, have more energy & you feel happier than ever! You feel on top of the world & everything seems to be going great until your high is shattered when a family member or a friend makes a negative comment about you training too hard, or you're getting "too" muscly, or hassling you for not eating desert. These are the people that are “supposed” to love & care about you the most yet they don't seem to be happy for you! It doesn’t make sense does it?

When you make a change in your life, especially a big change you’re more vulnerable for personal attacks from other people. People are used to you being a certain way & dislike it when you change for the better usually because of how it affects them rather than what’s actually best for you. There are a few reasons why this is; because they’re either jealous of you because they are unable to make the change themselves or because they feel threatened by you & the attention you’re receiving which is drawing the attention away from them! These certain types of people like to be ahead of you & like to see themselves as “better” or more “successful” than you or just simply want you to be the way they want you to be. They may even subconsciously criticise you, destroying your confidence & bringing you down, pushing you back into the way your life has previously been; boring, mediocre & unfulfilling. This way you’re back where they like you, back to their level so they can feel more satisfied with their own obviously “unhappy” life. Unhappy people want you to be unhappy too & will go to great lengths to keep you there.

Criticisms can be tough to receive, especially because you care about what the particular person thinks of you & respect their opinions, but the important thing is their opinions are just opinions, nothing more.

Here's a quote I love;
"What you think of me, is none of my business". - In other words; people are ALWAYS going to have opinions & there will always be negative opinions. This is what makes us unique. It's important not to take on board what others think of you. The main thing is that YOU ARE HAPPY. You are doing what you love; you're healthy & fit & have never felt better. If these people really cared about you then they would be happy for you too!

What causes negativity?
Usually negativity originates from; being unhappy, jealousy, confidence issues, lack of self worth & past negative experiences.

Constructive Criticisms & Negative Criticisms

There’s a difference between a “Constructive Criticism” & a “Negative Criticism”.

Constructive means that there is a use, or purpose for the criticism for improvement & a genuine interest, concern & compassion for the person. The last thing you want to do is offend, embarrass or hurt the person. There is an appropriate approach to constructively criticize someone without putting them down & making them feel hurt or inadequate. It is a criticism that is not targeting the person for necessarily being at fault but just offering an alternative view or approach to the subject/area being criticized.

Negative criticisms are voicing an unjustified opinion & don’t help the person at all, but attacks either the person or their work/actions, resulting in insecurities, feelings of humiliation & degradation.  It is definitely not healthy & unnecessary, but if you come across it, brush it off like a grain of salt.

Where is the criticism coming from? Are they a reliable source of judgement? Do they have experience & adequate knowledge to back up their criticism? What is their intention or motive for their input? How relevant is their opinion or presumption?

“Your life is yours alone, so rise up & live it the way YOU want to & do what makes you happy!”

 People pleasers

The obligation to please other people seems to be very common these days. People have a need for acceptance, security, social approval & reassurance to verify their self worth. These types of people are usually hypersensitive to criticism or rejection, have difficulty accepting criticism themselves & can also have a tendency to build up a defensive barrier.
The downfall is that by attempting to please everyone, you’re actually sacrificing your own happiness which should be your priority in life! You have to learn to accept that not everybody is going to like you & or see eye to eye with you.
“Attempting to please everyone sets you up for failure.”

 Stand up for yourself

This can be a hard one, especially if you’re shy or insecure. The person you’re standing up to might be intimidating or appear a lot more confident than you. This branches off from people pleasing. Usually people pleasers have trouble standing up for themselves because they’re afraid of upsetting someone & would rather “float along” being unhappy themselves in order to make the other person happy. It’s not healthy & can be self damaging to constantly put your own wants & needs at a less importance than others. It’s better to discuss the problem with the other person before it gets worse & difficult to confront. It can take a while to master, but with practice you will be able to stand up for yourself in no time & also gain respect from others.

Rid your life of difficult people. You don’t owe these people anything & definitely don’t need them in your life. Who you surround yourself with affects you immensely, so if someone is upsetting you or making you unhappy just tell them nicely that you can’t associate with them anymore. You’re not put on this earth to please others! If you’re unsure whether someone is good for you to be around, ask a friend who is not a friend of this particular person about what they think.

Learn assertiveness.Be prepared for people to dislike the new, assertive & confident you! They don’t like it because they realize they can’t walk all over you anymore & get what they want from you.

Believe in yourself

You have to believe in yourself, if you don’t then how is anyone else supposed to believe in you? If you don’t have confidence in yourself & your capabilities, how are you supposed to succeed in anything? Having self doubt is noticed by other people & can cause them to take advantage of your insecurities. You are worthy of happiness & deserve only the best. Believe you have what it takes & can do anything you want in life.

Trust yourself

It is important to have faith in yourself & your ability to make decisions. Make your own decisions because this is your life & nobody cares more about your life & your happiness than you do, therefore you’re going to make the best decisions for yourself. Take charge of your life & trust your gut. Don’t listen to people who haven’t previously shown a genuine care for you & your life choices. Listen to the people that genuinely do care about you & have given decent advice in the past, but ultimately your decision needs to be yours alone. If you make the wrong decision then at least you know it was wrong & can go from there! It’s better than having regrets about not doing something & always wondering how things could have turned out.

Attitude is everything

Nobody wants to be around a negative Nancy. Put a smile on your face, have a positive attitude & concentrate your energy on the good things in life.
Bad things are always going to happen & there are always going to be ups & downs – it’s just life. So we may as well accept it & make the most of it!
Appreciate what you’ve got - not what you don’t have & expect the best result from everything & see hurdles as being blessings in disguise. You’ll become a happier, healthier, more pleasant person to be around. A positive attitude means you can achieve success.

“Always look on the bright side of life!”

Being positive is a constant day to day thing; it doesn’t come naturally or easily, it’s something you need to choose to be & work on every day.
Positivity is contagious so choose who you surround yourself with wisely!

Make yourself happy!

“I just want to be happy!” - I’m sure you’ve heard this before!
The most common thing us humans have is the desire & search for happiness. We want to be happy but don’t do anything about it or do what actually makes us happy. If you’re unhappy with the way your life has been going so far then you actually need to consciously make changes for there to be a different result. Work out what makes you unhappy & eliminate as many things as you can & spend more time doing the things that make you happy.

“I don’t have time” – that’s the response many of you will have I’m sure. Well you’re going to have to make the time & sacrifice something else to fit in the things you enjoy, even if it’s only 5 minutes, otherwise what is the point of life if you simply don’t have the time to be happy? Remove the things you dislike in life if you can & replace them with the things you enjoy. Even if it’s only a couple of things – it will make all the difference. Work out what makes you happy in life & do it! Don’t waste your precious life doing things you don’t enjoy!

Keep it simple; Things that make you happy don’t necessarily have to be big things. They can be anything from watching your favourite movie to walking along the beach. It’s the small things in life that can make all the difference & can make you happy! It’s about appreciating everything!

Happiness is a choice!

You are number one! You can’t make anyone else happy if you’re not happy yourself & you need to take care of yourself, you are your priority.
Write a list of all the things you can think of that make you happy or make you smile. I guarantee that by the end of writing the list you’ll feel instantly happier! You can add to the list whenever you think of things. Whenever you feel down or feel negative just look at the list & focus on the things that make you happy.
If you lose something that makes you happy there will always be something else that can fill the spot.
If a situation goes bad, look at it as a loss & ignore it – don’t dwell on it! Learn from things if possible & move forward.
A big part of “making yourself happy” is actually making yourself realize that you are already happy & can be even more happy – you have the choice!

Life if full of changes & things don’t always go to plan which I’m sure you’re well aware of! Try to be more adaptable to change.
Change is often something that terrifies people; they’re forced out of their comfort zone & away from familiarity with which can be difficult & takes time to adjust. The easier & faster you can adapt the more stress free & enjoyable your life will be.
Happiness is not an end goal; it’s the journey getting there. Life is all about your journey to reaching your goals & enjoying & celebrating your progress & achievements. Whether it be losing that first kg to saving a deposit for a house. You need to be proud of yourself & what you’ve achieved so far which will encourage you to keep going.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else & beat yourself up for not being as successful as someone else. This will not help you, & is more damaging & discouraging than anything. Use other peoples successes as motivation for your own goals.

Practice makes perfect; the more you practice certain ways of thinking or acting the better you will be at handling all things in life!

Don’t give up! Living a happy, healthy life is a day to day thing! It takes work & takes time to develop a certain way of thinking, acting or re-acting. Once you have practiced & mastered it, it will become easier & soon it will become a habit. If you do something repeatedly every day, before you know it, it will come naturally!

Happy people attract happy people, & happy people want YOU to be just as happy as them!

“What you think is what you are” – if you think you’re happy, you will be!
It’s time to live for you, be the best you can & make yourself happy! :)

Note: This is what I have personally learnt through my own life journey. This is what has helped me & what I think may help others.


  1. I so love this blog :) Very inspiring.

  2. Wow so inspiring! I LOVE IT :)Came across your blog via Zoe, and I´m really glad I did

    Keep the amazing work up!

    xx Hannah

  3. What a great blog! Thank you so much for posting this :)